A beautiful blog about marriage equality
“Real moral dilemmas have at their core the question of who gets hurt? Making same sex marriage legal would hurt no one. Therefore it doesn’t count as a moral issue in my mind.”
So writes author, motivational speaker and Radical Forgiveness founder Colin Tipping in a beautiful new blog that I hope everyone will read. He emigrated to the US in 1984, from the UK, and has been living there ever since… You can read my interview with Colin here to find out more about him, or visit his website here.
This is Colin’s blog post… Such beautiful words and simple truths.
Gay Marriage and the Moral High Ground – a Message From Colin TippingGreetings!
The debate about gay marriage took an interesting turn last week when the President of the United States said he supported it. I think most people would agree, that Mr. Obama is a very thoughtful and intelligent man. Up to now, he has admitted his discomfort with the idea of same sex marriage, and I believe that had he found a single valid legal or moral ground on which to legitimately oppose it, he would have done so.
But like everyone else, including those who vehemently oppose it, he could find none beyond his own irrational and very human discomfort with the idea. But, his resistance notwithstanding, what he and countless others in this county have come to realize is that the moral LOW ground is in creating laws to prevent it. That’s because they seriously hurt people.
Real moral dilemmas have at their core the question of who gets hurt? Abortion, for example, is a very contentious moral debate because, either way, there is a party who gets hurt – the fetus if you do it, and the mother who is forced to go to term when that is not her choice or in her best interest, if you don’t. So, people legitimately take positions on the issue and do their best to argue it out. That’s true moral discourse.
Making same sex marriage legal would hurt no one. Therefore it doesn’t count as a moral issue in my mind. The only thing it asks us to do is to overcome our natural resistance to the idea that the term marriage might be applied to anyone regardless of gender. The extent of our pain around it amounts to nothing more than our being willing to give up a long-held habit of mind. That’s not moral discourse. It is rigidity of mind and a lack of compassion.
Who would deny that slavery was the result of a long-held habit of mind among white Americans-that the negro race was inferior and sub-human and that they could legitimately be bought and sold as slaves? Look how long that habit of mind endured, not just by a few bad people but by the vast majority, at least in the south. Same thing with the Germans agreeing to exterminating the Jews. How long would that have endured had the Germans won the war?
I have to ask my African American brothers and sisters who voted to ban same sex marriage on the grounds of what is in the Bible, if they were to find a reference in the Bible (written many hundreds of years ago and translated many times since it was written), that slavery is justifiable, would they be willing to be enslaved again on those grounds alone? I doubt it. Then why deny homosexuals the freedom that your ancestors fought so bravely for and that you enjoy today, simply because of what you read in the Bible? Jesus taught us to love and accept each other, not to hurt others in defense of our own righteousness.
Today, when we look back at how we justified 200 years of slavery and Jim Crow discrimination against blacks, we are all deeply ashamed. We cannot imagine, today, how people could have thought that that was OK. I believe the children and grandchildren of all the people who have voted to ban gay marriage in all the states that have done so up to now, thereby depriving gay people of their civil rights and their freedom to be who they are, will carry the burden of shame on behalf of their parents in much the same way for many years to come.
To express your thoughts or comments on this please visit Colin’s blog here.
There have been some passionate replies to Colin’s blog, both for and against. I’m glad dialogue is opening up, and I am grateful to Colin and others for publicly expressing what is in their heart… This is what is in mine…
Dear Colin,
Thank you so much for your beautiful and well reasoned post. It breaks my heart that people continue to discriminate against others based on their sexuality – out of fear, out of ignorance, out of a misguided notion that they are “right”, or have the right to decide how someone else should live, or judge who is worthy of love and of having their love recognised. I totally agree that this is not a moral dilemma. Two people who love each other and want to commit to each other don’t hurt anyone else. It affects no one else. It doesn’t take anything away from anyone else. It doesn’t stop anyone else being able to marry if they want to. And gay couples may or may not want to marry anyway, but they should definitely have the right to do so, the same right I had to marry the person I love. Me being married affects no one else, so why would two of my friends who are gay being married affect anyone else? It doesn’t.
It upsets me when people insist that it is a choice to be gay. No one would choose to be disowned by their family… to be persecuted and harassed at home and at work… to be denied basic human rights that others take for granted… to be told they are wrong, evil, not good enough… to be denied the chance to tell the person they love how much they mean to them and make a legal commitment to them.
To those who question the effect of having gay parents, several studies have actually found that children of gay parents do better at school and equally well in life as anyone with straight parents. You can read a very moving article from some of these children here: http://www.abc.net.au/unleashed/4012552.html. Love is the most essential element of parenting, whether you are brought up by a single parent, adoptive parent, step parent, gay parent or straight parent(s), and love is by no means restricted only to the latter. (Maria, your love and acceptance of your stepson is beautiful and sadly all too rare. I honour you for having the courage to follow your heart despite what you’d been brought up to believe. It is so frustrating that so many religious people cherry pick the bits of the Bible they will follow, and discard the rest. We have evolved enough to recognise that slavery is wrong, that stoning people to death is wrong, that selling your daughter into slavery is wrong, despite what it says in the Bible. This seems to be the one last thing people won’t let go of…)
I am so happy that the American President has evolved his thinking, and spoken in support of marriage equality. Not because he has vowed to actually make it happen (he hasn’t, as he sees it as a matter for the States), but because his words, and his acceptance, have the potential to save lives. Too many people who are gay are driven to suicide by the constant message that they are wrong, that they are less than, that they deserve to die. Too many parents still reject their children for being gay because society has told them that they should. Mr Obama’s recent comments may not change the legislation, but they will go a long way to changing attitudes, to telling people it is okay to be themselves, to love and be loved, and that one day (soon I hope), we will no longer be judged on our sexuality, our race, our gender or anything else but who we are inside, and that equality applies to all people.
Thank you so much Colin for helping to open a few minds, and for adding your voice to the call for love and equality.
Radical Forgiveness
An interview I did for a national weekly magazine a while back, about a process called Radical Forgiveness, developed by UK-born, American-based author, motivational speaker and spiritual teacher Colin Tipping…
Radical Change
Change your life in just seven minutes, with a healing method that leads to forgiveness of self and others.
Radical Forgiveness is a way to heal emotional and physical blocks and become happier and healthier. It involves reframing your perceptions through filling out a worksheet, going to a workshop or seeing a trained coach. Sound too easy?
Colin Tipping, author of Radical Forgiveness: Making Room for the Miracle, agrees that it seems deceptively simple – but says that is part of its beauty. ‘I’m still surprised by how simple yet effective it is. I’ve seen miracles occur. And bearing in mind how difficult traditional forgiveness is, it’s really amazing,’ he says.
‘People are sceptical about it because they want it to be more complicated. But it’s just a matter of being willing to try it. If a person does that, no matter how disbelieving they are, something will shift.’
US based Colin teaches the process through his book, on a CD, as a coach and through the tools on his website. He also runs workshops, lectures and ceremonies, which he is doing around Australia for the next month. There are also coaches in Australia who can help you through the process, and you can go through the same steps with the worksheet in his book.
Colin believes the first step to healing is to stop blaming others for our problems and move out of the victim archetype. He says traditional forgiveness is good, but it maintains your belief that you are a victim by assuming you are right and someone else is wrong, and that you need to forgive them. It can take years. Radical Forgiveness on the other hand is virtually instantaneous and can be achieved using simple tools. It shifts your consciousness to an understanding that nothing wrong took place and that whatever happened was called forth by you for your own healing and growth.
‘I recognise that this is extremely challenging for someone severely victimised and still carrying a lot of pain. I ask only that you have an open mind and see if this helps you,’ Colin says.
He has people come to him – or one of his coaches – for all kinds of reasons, including physical illnesses ranging from the flu to cancer, as well as emotional issues such as divorce, financial lack, repetitive relationship problems and sexual abuse. It is a principle of RF that if you have a negative belief about yourself, your higher self will bring into your life someone who will act out this belief for you so you can recognise it and let it go. When you don’t take the chance to learn the lesson, you set yourself up to continually repeat the bad patterns.
‘It always happens to me.’ ‘I always attract men who use me.’ ‘I never get paid enough.’ Sound familiar?
Colin’s sister Jill was about to leave her second husband Jeff, as he had withdrawn his affection from her and was instead lavishing all his love on his daughter. She felt rejected and unloved. ‘It’s not fair,’ she told Colin. ‘I’m never enough for a man. I’m unlovable. There must be something wrong with me!’
He asked her to get in touch with her feelings. Had she felt this way before? She revealed that as a little girl she had felt abandoned and unloved by her father. This belief – based on a lie, as in fact her father loved her deeply but was incapable of showing affection to anyone – anchored itself in her subconscious. And she kept attracting people into her life who would perpetuate this belief. Her first husband was unfaithful, proving to her that she wasn’t enough – and allowing herself to stay the victim while blaming him for being wrong.
Colin helped her see people are just mirrors – reinforcing all the beliefs we have about ourselves, even bad ones. He told her she could stay the victim, or she could thank him and heal the toxic belief system she’s held all her life. She worked through it with Colin and took responsibility for how her vision of herself created the situation. Within days Jeff’s behaviour changed, without her telling him anything. They’re happy now.
‘By realising he’d acted that way for her soul’s growth, she released the energy tied up in the situation, and that’s when miracles happen,’ Colin says. ‘Immediately the energy started to move again, and the love started to flow in her direction. With this process problems will just dissolve and relationships improve dramatically.’
How Radical Forgiveness works
1. Someone compassionately listens to your story (or you do the worksheet) and honours it as being your truth at that time. Owning your story from the point of view of being a victim is important.
2. Get in touch with how angry, hurt, rejected unloved or taken advantage of you feel. This is a vital step that many leave out, thinking you shouldn’t have ‘negative’ feelings.
3. Look at when you first felt these emotions, and how your interpretation of that event led to false beliefs forming – beliefs which determined how you see yourself and who you attract into your life. Most negative beliefs begin in childhood and aren’t based on fact.
4. Reframe your story in this new light. Shift your perception so that instead of seeing the situation as a tragedy, you become willing to see it was what you needed for your growth.
5. Integrate the change into the physical, emotional and spiritual bodies so it becomes part of who you are.
Visit the Radical Forgiveness website here and visit Colin’s website and blog here.
Samhain blessings… and Beltane wishes to those in the north…
Samhain blessings to everyone in the southern hemisphere, and to those in the north, magical Beltane wishes…
Samhain, the festival of the ancestors and the dead that marks the beginning of winter, falls in early May in the southern hemisphere and early November in the northern hemisphere – and on October 31 in popular culture, where it is celebrated as Halloween. It honours the Wheel of the Year as it turns towards the barrenness of winter, in nature and in our lives, and is a time of withdrawal and withering.
Mythologically, this was when the goddess became the crone, the old one, the wise one – the earth mother who understood, and taught others, that we need darkness and death to have light and rebirth. In some traditions the god descended to the underworld on this day, to await his transformation at the winter solstice; in others he was already there and the goddess returned to be reunited with her consort.
Astronomically, this cross-quarter day falls midway between the autumn equinox and the winter solstice. In the southern hemisphere, it’s when the sun is halfway between the Equator and the Tropic of Cancer, on its way north for winter, and it rises in the same position as it will at Imbolc. In the northern hemisphere Samhain occurs six months later, when the sun is heading south from the Equator down to the Tropic of Capricorn.
Samhain, also known as Halloween, All Souls Eve, Day of the Dead, Feast of Spirits, Shadow Fest and Ancestor Night, marks the end of autumn and the start of the coldness and dark of winter. The crispness and vivid flame-coloured beauty of autumn fades as the energy of the earth withdraws and nature starts to wither and die. Animals begin to migrate or hibernate, and while the grass may become green and lush with the onset of rain, many of the trees are stripped bare, with bitterly cold winds adding to the starkness of the season.
This was the third and last harvest of the year, when anything left in the fields, from wheat and oats to turnips and apples, would be gathered in and stored for the barren months ahead. Snow covered the land and fresh food was scarce. Cattle and sheep were brought in from the summer paddocks to the barns, and those who couldn’t find food or shelter were slaughtered and preserved for later eating. Wood was chopped and peat stacked for the winter fires, herbs were dried and food was baked and preserved. Families gathered together to prepare and ready themselves for winter, and there was an air of celebration and abundance even as the hard months approached.
Symbolically the energy is also about preparing for what’s ahead, harvesting and releasing the things you’ve been holding on to and readying yourself for new challenges and experiences. Winter is a season of introspection and darkness, both metaphorically and literally, which encourages you to slow down and withdraw a little to conserve mental energy. It’s a time for inner reflection and contemplation, of studying the Mysteries – of your magical tradition or your life – and scrying for answers and illumination. At each of the four cross-quarter days the veil between the worlds was considered to be thinner than usual, and at this one people connected with the energy of the ancestors, the spirits and the dead, calling on them for wisdom and knowledge about the future as well as the past.
Samhain was the Celtic New Year, the most important, sacred and magical celebration of the pagan calendar. Rituals were performed, elaborate feasts were held, and hearth fires were extinguished in every home so they could be relit from a special druidic fire in each community, which brought blessings and new light to the coming year, and rekindled the hopes and dreams that had been slumbering.
In the northern hemisphere, today is Beltane, also known as Bealtaine (bright fire), May Day, Walpurgis Night, the Festival of Flowers and Floralia. It marks the first day of summer, and the evidence of new life is everywhere, in abundant blossoms, the hatching of birds, and bees pollinating flowers. The seeds planted in spring have germinated and sprouted, and the land is warm, buzzing and green. Brightly coloured flowers were traditionally brought inside to symbolise fresh beginnings and the power of nature, and pretty white blossoms were gathered from the sacred hawthorn tree, which was associated with Beltane and used for love spells, in marriage rituals, to make wands as well as for protection and healing. Women would also bathe their faces in the dew gathered from their garden on Beltane morning to harness the energy of youth.
serenesblessedbee 